Mindfullness
by ScarletMissCharlotte
Summary: Sometimes in life, you just need to take a step back, to work out what you really need in life.


**A/N - A short one-shot, It didn't fully turn out how I wanted, three quarters of it did, so there we are. That's all I have to say really!**

* * *

Inhaling and exhaling deeply Serena lay on the floor of her office not because the two large glasses of wine she had drunk at the end of her shift, had gone to her head. Serena realised, she needed to centre her thoughts, her mind started to run away with the wind, and this time the alcohol had not helped her unwind. She felt she needed to do this in the here and now. Sacha was off shift, and no one really knew she was still in the hospital, so she knew there was no real danger of being, rudely interrupted.

Her mother passed away last month, and Serena had thrown herself into work, it was the only way she could keep on top of things without turning to the drink, turning to drinking extremely that is, of course, she naturally had a glass or two daily, it took the edge off being a high-powered woman, in a stressful job.

As she centred her thoughts, relaxing her mind into a peaceful and tranquil state, continuing to inhale and exhale deeply with her eyes closed. She tried to get in touch with her emotions, her grief for her mother; she desperately searched for her sadness that she could not let out. She was not a hard faced emotionless woman, but she felt her grief was not normal, at twenty years old, she lost her father, and that almost broke her, she almost considered, dropping out of University. Yet, now at forty-eight years old, she had just lost her mother, her remaining parent, the woman who she always tried to make proud.

Whilst she imagined she was lying on a beach with turquoise sky, white gold sand, clear blue sea, and not a soul around, she could almost hear the waves crashing in her ear and smell that familiar beach smell, finding her mind in a safe place, ready to think about her mother and the meaning of her loss.

However, just as Serena found her moment Ric interrupted her, by entering the office, unannounced, he was aware that she was still in the building, as early in the day Serena had informed him that she needed to work late on a report for Guy Self.

For a moment, Ric almost missed seeing Serena lying on the floor until he heard a disgruntled groan, and her eyes looking up at him, her face baring an un-amused expression.

"_Serena_..."

"Hmmm"

"You're not hurt are you?" Ric spoke with concern, he had considered she had put her back out and had fallen to the floor.

"No"

"Why _are_ you lying on the floor?"

"I read an article, apparently it's good to lie down, take a few deep breaths, and collect thoughts... Centre your inner-self, to unlock hidden emotions" Serena replied after exhaling deeply.

"Is, it working?" Ric smiled, in amusement he never saw Serena as they type of woman to listen to an article that probably would belong in a woman's gossip magazine.

"Not since you waltzed in here. Body is all relaxed, mind now distracted, I feel as if I need a truck to come and pull me up"

Ric continued to smile, Serena's humour often made him smile but he did still believe that she was a little harsh on herself, especially when she made negative remarks to her appearance. "Want a hand?"

"I'll pass; it's rather comfy down here..." Serena stretched her arms out and clasped her hands above her body, resting her elbows beside her.

Shaking his head, Ric lay beside Serena leaving less than a metre between them and subconsciously clasped his exactly like hers, their thumbs mirroring actions. A natural, progression of movements, that happened, without them either considering anything of it, or noticing.

"What _are_ you doing?" Serena asked, turning her head to face him.

"Gonna, give this centring your inner-self, a go"

"You're taking the piss"

Ric chuckled "No, _no_... I'm curious"

"Really..."

"Yes, so come on; show me the gist of things"

"Well, you... Breathe in for four, and hold for four and breathe out for eight... Like so..." Serena gave Ric a demonstration. "And, you do, that for as long as you need, until you find yourself in a safe haven of choice, where it is safe enough to release emotions"

Ric took a go and did not feel any benefits, "It is a _little_ airy-fairy"

"Sod off, I knew you were taking the piss" Serena exclaimed

"It's just not, my thing... Why do you feel the need to do, that?"

"I... _Err_" Serena shrugged

"Are you? Serena, how are you coping with...?"

"What?" Serena sighed knowing what he meant, but did not want to have this conversation with Ric not today, She wanted to do it for herself, rather than depend on someone to sit with her and help her grieve.

"Your mother died a month ago," Ric stated carefully.

"I know that"

"So, are you...?"

"I'm _fine_... I'm dealing with it"

"You're lying on the floor, in your office"

Serena laughed, "I know Ric, your concern... It's lovely, but... I'm fine, _honestly_"

They both looked at each other, their eyes telling a deeper story to the words they were speaking. They had this connection, one that was just there, and unspoken, almost as if they did not trust that hidden depth, but it was there. As they lay on the floor just gazing at each other. Serena sighed, turning her head away, and parted her hands so they now rested upon her stomach.

"My mother, she had a soft spot for you"

"I figured"

"Seemed to believe, that I should stop being a workaholic and that, I should settle down with someone like _you_..."

"Someone like me" Ric grinned, also once again naturally mirroring Serena's hand movements, unintentionally and unaware that he had done so.

"Yes, although, I can't see why someone like you, would be interested in someone like me..."

"Why is that?" Ric raised his eyebrow

"Well, I'm _hardly_ anything special and well, someone like you... they would have charm, charisma, a natural intelligence, a high flyer... and I can guess, that they would definitely be _rather_ handsome, if not dashingly captivating ... Caring, attentive, a protector... A true gentleman...If I were to settle with someone like you, it will honestly be a _complete_ personality clash"

"It's a matter of opinion"

"Yes, mine and it's fact, Ric..."

"We do okay as _friends_"

"Yeah, but we aren't talking about us...as _lovers_"

"Not, technically speaking, no" Ric sighed, "_Although_, hypothetically, speaking... Someone like me could find, someone like you, well..."

"What?" Serena raised an eyebrow as she turned her head, back to face him.

"Holding all the right qualities, she'd be witty, smart, although highly independent, _fragile_. Beautiful...She is, _will_ be something special" Ric smiled "I wouldn't say that their personalities would clash. I'd say they would compliment, each other perfectly, and every woman, needs rescuing, sometime"

"I do not need rescuing, Ric" Serena reached out and tapped Ric's chest. "I need... A break in life"

"Hence the relaxation techniques"

"_Exactly_" Serena smiled, of course that was not strictly true and she sighed as her knuckles continued to linger and rest upon Ric's chest. "Ric, you know how I feel about you"

"Do, I?"

"Yes" Serena replied firmly.

"Well, I guess it runs both ways"

"Mmmhmm"

Ric focused his eyes on Serena, they had never really dared verbally to speak of their feelings for each other, the comments they had just made were about as good as it gets. They could explain their feelings in shared glances, smiles, and other facial expressions, it lay rather understated between them. "... Of course, your mother's wishes of you settling down with someone like me, could just have been for her _own_ benefit"

Sitting up Serena tapped Ric's leg "Yes, yes, that is true. Seeing as I think, we have both said a little _too_ much... I think I should head home"

Ric remained lying on the floor, as he softly spoke "If you ever need someone to talk to"

"I know" Serena still sitting on the floor held out her hand for Ric, if anyone were really going to have an issue in getting up, it would be him. As Ric grasped her hand tightly as she helped him upright, their faces ended up inches from each other eyes intently gazing and their hands unwilling to release from each other. They instantly thought the same thing; they both secretly wanted it,

"This isn't going to, happen Ric; it's _never_ going to happen"

"Yeah, I figured out that one too"

Still in hold of each other's hand, their heads gently rested together "We, wouldn't work, and I would rather have you as a friend, then not have you at all"

"See, _smart_" Ric replied knowing she was right, they could complement each other perfectly, yet as friends they could get by on the differences they had, as lovers, it would stand too destructive.

"Hmmmm" Serena smiled as she pulled herself away from Ric, standing herself up and starting to tidy her desk, the complicated subject surrounding their friendship and feelings for each other was another subject. Serena found herself not fully willing to expand on further. "I should go home, I've got Ellie... she's home from University for the weekend. She'll be home alone"

"Of course, of course" Ric stood to his feet almost immediately. "I will see you Monday, if our paths cross"

"Yes" Serena nodded as she watched head towards the office door. "..._Ric_..."

Ric stopped on the spot and turned to look at Serena

"Why did you come here, I never asked what you wanted"

"I, I had a concern... But I can see you are..."

"Just fine" Serena completed his sentence approaching him slowly, before placing a kiss on his cheek ever so briefly. That was her showing him the appreciation she held for Ric for the time, the effort he always put towards her and towards their friendship and the deeper complicated issues between them.

They were naturally attracted to each other, lusted each other, held this deep respect and regard for each other. Furthermore, they loved each other, but they were not in love and that was the sad truth of it all and they knew that they could acknowledge that too, it was just so complex.

Ric just nodded his head and left Serena to it, as he expected nothing more of her and nothing less, and that were the beauty of their complex relationship, they never expected anything from each other. Heading off on his way home, Ric had no ill feelings in truth; he respected Serena even more, for not jumping into something they both easily could have fallen into, without thinking of the consequences.

He could never take advantage of that fragile state, as much as he would like to come to her rescue, she would stand her ground and almost despise him for it, even playing the saviour as her friend stood a tad risky. Serena, always found herself grateful to Ric, he often went out of his way for her and she would for him too, but that line could never find itself crossed, regardless of how many times they had contemplated it.

Collecting her bag and shutting up her office, Serena headed out to her car, as she sat in the driver's seat and fastened her seat belt. Serena was just about to put the key in the ignition and drive off and she suddenly found herself smiling to herself, she could almost hear her mother speaking.

"_Oh Rena, you stupid woman, why have you let this opportunity pass, you by, he is perfect, for you"_

It was something so typical of her mother and it is what she would say and she really did adore, Ric, and once made a remarked that Ric would be perfect 'son-in-law' material. It was then the tears began to fall. In truth, Serena did not need to use meditation techniques to find her grief, she needed time, and she just needed a small nudge.

She missed her mother dearly and despite their turbulent relationship, Serena suddenly felt nothing but sadness and loss. Her mother was the only parent she had left in her life and Serena had counted her blessings for times that her mother had almost died, and made it through, yet now, it was all so final and she was gone.

Her own daughter was flying the nest, drumming home the fact to Serena, that she was now alone and in her late forties, forever just missing out on reaching the top job she always dreamed of. Divorced, unwilling to commit to relationships, sucked in by her ex-husband one too many times, her life was truly a mess and she was not happy. Ric was not the answer to her troubles, as much as her mother would have liked that as a happy ending for her daughter, it could never end that way, loving someone and being in love were two different things.

It is here, the clarity for Serena, came, she was going to go and find that beach, and enjoy herself for once, start over, try something new, she had the ability to do whatever she put her mind to. Maybe in a world away from business and medicine, she would find her a man worth loving, a man she could give herself to without feeling distrust.

By tomorrow morning, she would have sent in her resignation and set the ball rolling in search of her new life.


End file.
